UEFA stunned as Roman Abramovich bids for EURO 2016

There was shock today in Zurich as representatives of Chelsea's moneybags owner and Siberian orphan seller, Roman Abramovich, announced his intention to bid for EURO 2016.

It is believed that the bid involves buying the tournament lock, stock and barrel, allowing Abramovich to rename it 'Roman's Euro kickabout 2016', introduce compulsory oversized animal costumes for players and replace sendings off with summary executions, the method of which will be voted on by TV viewers via the red button.

There is also speculation that he may enter his own team into the tournament under the name of 'Romania', as he has already entered into a provisional agreement with the Romanian government to buy the entire country for a sum expected to be in the region of $15 bazillion.

The new Romania will play all in blue, feature a new national flag of blue and have "We'll keep the blue flag flying high" as the national anthem, said bald headed, Abramovich brown-noser, Peter Kenyon, but he denied that there would be any connection between the new 'Romania' and Abramovich's Chelsea in a press conference broadcast yesterday exclusively on Chelsea TV.

According to the bid all of the EURO 2016 matches will be played on a floating 'stealth' pitch, which in between swallowing up nuclear submarines to provide the massive energy requirements, will dock at various ports around the world allowing the rich and famous football-Johnny-come-latelys from all around the globe to enjoy the matches from the comfort of their luxury yachts. 

A UEFA spokesman was reported as saying that no final decision on the bidding process has yet been made and that the most important thing was for UEFA to 'maintain the integrity of the tournament' before he was seen running off, skipping and singing "We're in the money!".